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Kate Moss

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[26 Mar 2004|05:09pm]
time has brought so much change.

i never thought i'd see this place again.
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[30 Mar 2003|07:06pm]
spring is finally here. i'm sitting on my couch, with the windows open, letting the cool night air breeze in. it's absolutely incredible tonight. just a tiny glass of wine sitting on the coffee table next to me. it is nice.

everything is absolute perfection....not a worry in the world....
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[08 Mar 2003|07:02pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

i'm all dressed up to go out into town. jefferson is taking me to some very nice restaurant where we have reservations. things have been a little slow between us. perhaps this dinner will give us a chance to talk about things.

yesterday i watched "amelie" that movie is a delight everytime i set my eyes on it. everything from the soundtrack is so haunting. i love it. but then again, i've always had a passion for french things.

well i must tend to the baby before i go, i'm afraid she's crying for me.

until next time...


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[03 Mar 2003|04:16pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

i don't know what's wrong with me right now. i have absolutely no explanation as to why i feel this way...

why am i always swimming with problems? i know i block them out, but they're starting to get to me now.

i'm sitting in a blanket typing this up now.

i think i'm going to go check the mail and then lock myself in my room.

jefferson, don't plan on seeing me tonight. keep a watch on lila.

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[25 Feb 2003|08:57pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

i all of a sudden felt like writing in here. go figure.

i want to do something spontaneous. something fun. but being a mother of a 6 month year old baby girl, it's definitely hard to do something like that. i'm constantly having to watch her. well, when jefferson's not around. but he's been out usually. doing what, i don't know.

this song brings back more than a few memories. but i don't think this is the time and place to go there. for personal matters, anyways.

and there is something about this song that is all of a sudden making me want to burst into tears....

on second thought, i think i'm going to scratch that spontaneous thought and go to bed early.

good night everyone...

OOC (literally)Collapse )

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[19 Feb 2003|09:26am]
i was just thinking about things. i was really in love with johnny. very much so. we were together for so long. (4 years). i really thought i'd never fall in love with anybody else. i couldn't get over him.

but i did. now i have jefferson. but, christ, i had to check into a mental hospital, because i couldn't handle the break-up between johnny and i. it took a long while to stop missing him. although parts of me still do. and i know you have vanessa now. she seems like such a nice girl. although i never want to intrude on your relationship, because it's such a nice one. two adorable children.

i guess i'm just remembering things of the past. it gets to you sometimes, and you can't stop thinking about it, and then when you finally realize it, you stop and say, "where am i?" which is what's going on right now. i'm kind of forgetting which time period i'm in. although i know i am in this one, because i hear lila making little noises in the background. so i'm not dreaming.

as far as i'm concerned i never really loved anybody but johnny. before him, i was nothing. i do miss you.

but with jefferson, he's just the right one. there must have been something not working between johnny and i, because obviously we're not together now. jefferson's what i really need right now. and i'm so happy i'm with him. i have no regrets.

as i look back, life has brought me through some incredible changes. but i worked my way through each of them. and i'm still on top. how refreshing that feels...
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[14 Feb 2003|03:16pm]
[ mood | loved ]

i just wanted to wish everyone a splendid valentine's day! spend it with someone you love. this day only comes once a year...so cherish it! :)

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[31 Jan 2003|09:19pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

i wish i could tell you that i've been doing something interesting these past couple of weeks. truth is, i haven't. but i guess that's okay. we don't always need to be doing things to keep us content and happy, but for some people, that just isn't the case. but i'm fine the way i am.

....and i was thinking what life would have been like if i never had gotten into modeling. it would have been so different. i would have grown up as a regular teenager in high school, with regular friends. nothing particularly special about me. maybe life would have been better that way? but i'm not saying my life is bad now. really, it isn't. i have a beautiful daughter, and i'm in love. what could be better? but, often times i still wonder. it doesn't hurt to wonder...it's funny how life goes sometimes. it just takes unexpected twists and turns that you never thought were even possible in your head till they came. that's what's fascinating about it all. you just have to take it as it comes, i guess...

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[18 Jan 2003|09:01am]
[ mood | calm ]

i know i haven't been posting much. laziness, if i must put it simply. speaking of which, i haven't been doing much of anything. gotten a couple of calls for modeling jobs, and i went to them. but overall i've just been taking it easy.

and that's a good thing. i've been trying to eliminate any form of stress and just do something productive. it works, it really does.

lazy saturday mornings like this, are basically what i live for. just to kick back on the couch, listen to the rise and fall of my chest, hear my breathing, it just sort of calms you. being by yourself and isolated from the world can be very refreshing.

lila is out with jefferson. i think he took her on his little errands to the market. hope they're having fun.

as for me, i'm having plenty of fun right here on my own.

it's all i basically need.

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[24 Dec 2002|06:29pm]
[ mood | happy ]

well, i hope everyone has a safe and happy christmas. i know i will. i love this time of the year. the smells, the happiness, just everything. it brings family together. sometimes you can just forget how important your family is to you. they mean the world to me.

i bought lila a new crib and some adorable new baby clothes. i think they'll fit her just fine. and, as for jefferson, a hot tub. ;) we never had one before, and he did kind of intimate at wanting one. hmm..now it makes me wonder what he got for me? i shall see, i shall see.

merry christmas everyone, and have a splendid new year!

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[07 Dec 2002|07:01pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

wow. i'm so tired i can barely see straight. and i have no idea why, considering it's barely 7. maybe it's cause i couldn't sleep at all last night. i hate it when that happens. just lying in bed, maybe from time to time staring at the clock, hoping you will drift off to sleep and that you'll just forget about all your worries. well, it didn't happen. i got up at 3 this morning, made some coffee and watched some cheesy informercials on tv. i learned a lot about oxy-clean and this weird "fold your clothes" contraption. interesting.

later i went outside to take a walk while it was 5. the sun hadn't risen yet so it was still sort of dark. and it was cold, mind you. i didn't know where the hell i was going. finally, i went to a nereby park and sat down on a bench. luckily no one noticed me. when i first started seeing traces of sunlight, i got up and trudged back home. i don't know why i even wasted my time. until then, i've just been lazing around, taking a bath, playing with lila, making cookies for lila, and scouring the bathroom. what fun.

i would try and chat with you guys on aim but i have a feeling i wouldn't know what to say, so i just shouldn't try anyways.

an early good night, everyone.

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[05 Dec 2002|12:16pm]
[ mood | calm ]

i've had this day all to myself. jefferson took lila out to god knows where. he didn't exactly tell me, but that's alright. i trust him. i've been sitting out on the veranda all morning re-reading one of my favorite books, jane eyre. it always gets me every single time, the compelling romance between jane and mr. rochester. my passion for that book is unbelievable. sometimes you just forget what you love until you revisit it again.

i'm feeling unbelievably calm at the moment. just listening to the slight moan of the wind blowing outside, the white curtains causing shadows to dance across the walls...

"like health that, in the wilderness, the wild wind whirls away."

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[01 Dec 2002|05:52pm]
[ mood | loved ]

well, here goes my first actual entry. i guess i'm alright with computers, considering i just bought myself a new one recently, and i thought i better put to use. what could be better than sorting out all of these strange and bizarre thoughts i have in my head than an online journal?

i haven't been doing much lately. just relaxing, playing with lila, having nice dinners with Jefferson. i must admit, life has been going pretty smoothly.

for just being 2 and a half months old, lila has changed so much already! motherhood is probably the greatest experience i've ever had. i don't think i've ever been so happy. the fact that you have this little thing, who depends on you for all of their needs, one that just views the world through her pale blue eyes. it's absolutely amazing...

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[01 Dec 2002|02:44pm]
[ mood | happy ]

well, hello.

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